This is one of the most interesting and unique books that I have come across and read lately.
The central concept is, we each have hidden fears within us that prevent us from achieving a better life.
The idea of exploring our subconscious is a fascinating angle. After all, could it be possible that invisible scripts I was not aware of were roadblocks in my mind?
The author presents us with four such mental blocks he calls “hidden barriers” that are creating “Upper Limit Problems” which stop us from maximizing our happiness and fulfillment.
Let’s contextualize that term, Upper Limit Problem. Think of a thermostat. Our mind and comfort zone is the temperature range controlled by that thermostat.
Meaning, we can handle a level of success and joy within a certain range.
However, once we surpass that range, the author argues, our mind finds a way to self-sabotage us so that we fall back inside our comfort zone.
It is insidious because this happens unconsciously! It is our mental programming “protecting” us from straying outside our normal capacity.
- Have you ever failed negotiations at the final hour when it was practically a signed contract?
- Have you messed up executing a part of your system that you never forget?
- Have you lost an important contact when you typically follow up with everyone diligently?
- Is there an example in your mind right now where you think, I was so close to making a deal happen but then I messed it up?
The author believes fears and insecurities installed during our childhood upbringing create these hidden barriers that we need to recognize so that we can break through to new levels of success and happiness.
“The Upper Limit Problem is the only problem we need to solve” – Gay Hendricks
Lesson 1: You are NOT Fundamentally Flawed
Is it possible that you feel inherently flawed in some way and therefore do not deserve to be successful and happy?
- Do you feel like there is something wrong with you at the core of your being?
- Do you feel like you are a bad person?
- When you get to the point where you are breaking through the thermostat is there a part of you that says “you don’t deserve to be (happy, successful, rich, healthy, in love)?
- What if you are happy right now, but don’t believe you even deserve it?
These false narratives create cognitive dissonance, where your mind and feelings don’t match.
The solution is either going back down to where you are comfortable (wrong solution) or recognizing the false statement, letting go of the Upper Limit Belief, and resetting the thermostat to be able to accept the feeling of more happiness (correct solution).
Recognize the false belief then challenge it in order to change it. Read that again!
The truth is, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Everyone deserves the chance to improve their life.
Even if there are negatives in your past (caused by you or not) there is still time to do good, feel good, and be good. You don’t deserve to be defined by this Upper Limit Problem.
Choose to work on yourself and be useful to others. That is the surefire path to fulfillment.
What we do as investors is inherently good for people and the surrounding communities when done correctly. There are plenty of shady business people. Choose not to be one of them.
Lesson 2: Be Loyal to Your Future, Not the Past
Is it possible that you limit your success because you fear losing who you were, where you came from, or the people you grew up around?
- Is it possible that you becoming successful will make you leave people behind and compromise long-standing relationships?
- Are there spoken or unspoken family rules that need to break or have already been broken for you to be successful?
- Here is a heavy one. Are you a failure in the eyes of your parents?
At a deep and unconscious level, we care about our roots. We care about the past, life experiences, and people (especially parents) that helped shape our lives. It can feel like our chosen path, and the successes on that path make us disloyal to the ones that raised us.
I can tell you firsthand that real estate investing was not the recommended path my parents laid out before me. As a matter of fact, real estate investing was advised against, many times, with my family having lived through financial hardships involving credit and foreclosures early in my youth. There have been tense family dinners, shouting matches, and tears shed over what I wanted in life versus what they wanted for me. My parents were coming from a place of love, but they wanted me to do something else with my life. Does that strike a chord with you?
- Could you be holding back because your family told you they got burned in the housing bubble?
- Is there a tired landlord in your family?
- Do you come from a family of doctors disappointed you didn’t go forward with medical school?
- Is there a spot in the family business waiting for you to fail and fall back on?
“In my life I’ve discovered that if I cling to the notion that something’s not possible, I’m arguing in favor of limitation. And if I argue for my limitations, I get to keep them” – Gay Hendricks
Be loyal to your future over the past.
Support from your family and friends is important, but the lack of it isn’t a showstopper.
Your path, your life, your choice. Be courageous in moving forward towards your own goals defined by the life you want, not the life you had.
Bonus life experience tip, once you are successful, you’ll be amazed at how quickly family, friends, and doubters start to support you.
Lesson 3: Your Life and Success is No One Else’s Burden
Is it possible you believe that being successful will burden people you care about?
- Did your family struggle to provide for you growing up and therefore you feel like just existing made it hard on others?
- What if you are more successful, will the business take up more of your life and pull you away from your family?
- Will you have to travel more and see them less?
- Have you ever put less effort to securing a deal because your mind told you that you had enough already?
“It’s like the more money we come across the more problems we see” – Mo Money Mo Problems – The Notorious B.I.G
Just like all the other Upper Limit Problems, there is no logic to this line of thought.
And yes, I just quoted a legendary rapper, that song is deep. Moving on.
There are ways to succeed that won’t take more time from you. There are systems that can be implemented, people trained, and procedures followed that would free you from burnout and somehow “burdening” others.
But this mental barrier isn’t based on logic. It is based on an untrue fear.
Being successful cannot truly burden someone else. The ones we love should be able to enjoy our successes alongside us.
That brings us to the fourth lesson (I know I usually only do 3!)
Lesson 4: People Worth Having in Our Life Will Be Happy with Our Success
The final hidden barrier is the fear that our success will make someone we care about feel bad because we outshine them. Is it possible you feel like doing too well will shame someone else?
- Do you have a sibling that wouldn’t measure up to your parents?
- Has someone ever told you they wish (someone else) was more like you?
- Did you succeed or even excel in something earlier in life only to end up turning down your talents so that others didn’t feel inferior?
Though experiment. What if your next deal made a million dollars?
Could you freely talk about that with your family and friends or would that feel awkward?
For some reason, money is an especially taboo subject in the modern world. Everyone wants more but no one is comfortable talking about it. Even among our closest friends, we can talk about gossip, relationships, politics, but the topic of money is rarely spoken about earnestly.
I believe that is because money is one of the most visible measures of success and not everyone is successful. I think we fear triggering envy and jealousy that degrades our relationships by making others feel uncomfortable.
A sad truth is, if you are successful in any kind of endeavor there will be people jealous of you. Some of those people will be family, some will be friends, some will be complete strangers on the internet.
Unfortunately, success in any capacity can drive a wedge in a relationship and that is why this barrier exists. I think each of us has felt this way at some point, seen it happen, or had it happen to us.
However, to give up on the dream of financial independence for the sake of someone else’s comfort zone doesn’t serve anyone.
The people worth keeping in our lives will accept you win, lose, or draw. The very best ones will support and encourage you along the way.
The biggest barrier to our success is always ourselves. We are our own worst enemy. We are the ones most critical about the way we live, work, act, and react to others.
It is important that we recognize the inner dialogue and monitor the self-talk in our own minds.
This book is about feeling good but also ultimately having a better quality of life by recognizing patterns where we defeat ourselves.
Now that you know what to look for, now that you know the truth, you can take responsibility and do the work to truly master your mind and live the best life possible.
“D*** right I like the life I live, because I went from negative to positive” – Juicy – The Notorious B.I.G
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