Of all the books that I have recapped for How to Apply It to REI, this is the one with the most pages ear-marked.
The value that I have gotten from it is immense, which is ironic because it has sat in my bookshelf unread for 8 years.
Shame on me.
To be honest, I avoided reading it for a while. It sat on my shelf with its orange dust cover silently taunting me and challenging my comfort zone. I dreaded reading this book because I knew that once I had the knowledge I didn’t have any excuses to stop me from strategically and intelligently growing my network.
I am a bit of an introvert, yet this is by far, one of the most important skills necessary for success. Not just in real estate, but in life.
Real estate is a people business. Real estate investing requires the expertise of many professionals. You’ll need brokers and contractors to get deals done.
But you’ll also need to meet and screen a lot of people who want to potentially sell you their property, buy one from you, rent from you, or partner in a deal.
The deeper you get into real estate investing the more you realize it is less about the property and more about the individuals that hold a stake in it.
“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.” – Margaret Wheatley
I am glad that I am pushing out of my comfort zone to implement the relationship building tactics in this book. Here are my biggest takeaways.
Lesson 1: Create a Win/Win Relationship
To be successful make others successful.
If you help enough people reach their goal you will reach yours. Show and convince them that your success is intertwined.
Take for example a situation where you are speaking to a motivated seller and you know that you will need to get it under market value to implement your exit strategy.
Perhaps you want to wholesale it. Perhaps you want to fix and flip it.
The seller is motivated because the property isn’t in MLS (retail) condition. Simply put, regular homebuyers aren’t going to want to put in the work to repair this place. Let’s say the seller has a timeline and they need out. You can close quickly.
Show and convince them that you can work together for that win/win. If they make that deal and sell to you their pain point will be solved quickly and efficiently. They get to move on, you get a property. They need help, you can help.
Everyone wins.
If a deal doesn’t work for me perhaps I know someone else that it would be a great fit for. I’ll send them that lead.
Maybe a motivated seller does want to list their property after all. Great, I know a wonderful Realtor.
Make everyone else around you successful. Do what you can to grow their business. And when you do it, don’t keep score. Do not think that just because you do a good deed anyone owes you.
Give freely and give often.
Go through life as a genuine giver. It will always be noticed and appreciated, even if you don’t get to see a return immediately. They win now, and you win a friend.
Lesson 2: The Skill of Relationship Building
People do business with others that they know, like, and trust. Put yourself out there, create positivity where you go, and be worthy of that trust.
To get people to like you, connect with their emotions. The two most powerful connecting emotions are appreciation and understanding.
It is very important to listen to people. Talk far less than they do in a conversation. Everyone has something to teach you, but you aren’t learning if you are the one speaking.
Use your curiosity to fuel the conversation, like logs into a fire. In conversations if you ever get stuck, ask open questions.
The most powerful, versatile, and important question is “why?”
80% of maintaining relationships is keeping in touch. It doesn’t have to be difficult and time consuming.
With all the technology we have today it is easier than ever. Keep in touch with multiple mediums: social media, text messages, calls, emails, letters, and post cards. I have never, not even once, gotten a negative response from a friend when I reached out to them just to say hello.
People like the feeling that you thought of them and genuinely care how they are doing.
Lesson 3: Getting Over Fear and Shyness
I get it. Our brains tell us to stay home and watch Netflix instead of heading out into the unknown to meet new people. We are evolved for survival not achievement.
The first mindset shift is that you are not going to simply “network”. You are going to connect. The difference is that new people you meet are going to be your friends.
As a real estate investor the dream is to live a life of freedom. For me, that freedom includes only dealing with people whose company I truly enjoy. If I am keeping in contact with my friends there is no illicit motivation. There is no selfish cause. I want them to be successful.
The second mindset shift is “being yourself”.
That is now and has always been terrible advice for everything from dating to job interviews. There isn’t even a clear understanding of what it means to “be yourself”. It is a confusing phrase loaded with negative connotations.
What the phrase should be is “have a unique and interesting point of view in the world and own it”.
- I believe in the power of our mind, our thoughts, our decisions.
- I believe in smart work and hard work, but I don’t believe you need to suffer to get results.
- I believe the gritter and more resilient you are the more likely you are to be successful.
- I believe that nothing is guaranteed but you can stack the odds in your favor.
- I believe that educating others and sharing how I see the world will make everyone around me successful. Nothing is asked for in return.
When connecting with people strive to make their life better because they know you.
“…connecting is one of the most important business – and life – skill sets you’ll ever learn.” – Keith Ferrazzi
Align their success and goals to yours. Build your life around the right relationships and you’ll never have to eat alone.
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