The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism
Today we are going to examine The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane who through behavioral science shows us the best way to connect with people in our business and personal lives.
Welcome to the How to Apply it to REI series where we take the best business, personal development, and biographical works and apply it to the world of real estate investing.
What is charisma and why does it matter?
Most importantly, how does it play a role in real estate investing?
I love the subtitle of the book that describes charisma as “personal magnetism” because that spot on. Have you ever spent time around someone that just pulled you in? Someone that when you were around them the world outside the bubble of your interaction didn’t exist. Time just seemed to fly by. You laughed, you shared stories, you smiled.
To me, that is charisma. It is the force that comes from how someone behaves. Make no mistake it is a powerful skill.
Powerful because it creates influence and a skill because it can be learned.
“They may forget when you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel”
– Carl W. Buehner
In real estate investing the numbers have to work. We have all heard that and with good reason, because the math doesn’t lie.
If you aren’t turning a profit with rent, commissions, or profits then you aren’t investing very well.
However, the truth is that real estate is a PEOPLE business. Think about how many people it takes just to buy or sell a property.
Brokers, attorneys, escrow agents, appraiser, inspectors… you get the point a lot of people. We need people to make our business work and the BEST people with the most skill and talent are the ones who are in the most demand.
Therefore they can pick and choose who they work with. Those professionals are the ones you want to work with and they work with people they LIKE, TRUST, and RESPECT.
Enter the art, science, and skill of charisma.
Lesson 1: Practice makes… you better (no one is perfect)
Charisma is a skill that is learned and practiced.
It is the science of connecting with people. Think about someone who know who is charming and pleasant yet has a commanding awesome presence. Now become that person.
Seriously, how do they walk, how do they talk, do they hold strong eye contact (yes, they do)? What is their posture like?
Now practice being that person and you become them. The benefit is that you are going to project positivity and confidence.
People love dealing with CONFIDENT people because that is one step away from COMPETENT.
Who are you going to trust your money to? The guy (or gal) who looks and acts like they know what they are doing!
Of course, this isn’t a scam. Seriously, be sure you know your stuff. What I am recommending isn’t in place of real knowledge it is the positive display that you are a deal maker.
Be consistent and it will become a habit of success.
Lesson 2: Be present when you show up
Ever walk into an open house and the agent there is busy setting something up or shuffling papers or half talking to you half talking to someone else/on their phone?
How did that make you feel? I bet the word important isn’t at the tip of your tongue.
Multitasking is a myth and there is a ton of science to back me up on that statement.
Plus, just from our real world scenario above you know the negative impact on how it makes you feel. So don’t do it. When you are talking to someone important you stay in the moment.
Charismatic people listen and they do so intently. Make the person feel heard.
The price of the property you are looking at is above your maximum allowable offer and needs to be negotiated down? Listen to that seller, I mean really listen, when you ask, “why are you selling?” and of course, don’t interrupt.
Being present is also immensely important on your first impression because it lasts and can determine if you will be working with that person in the future.
Oh, and people can tell when you aren’t paying attention! This is true verbally (the words you say and how you say it) and more importantly non-verbally (basically everything else your body is doing).
Once you make yourself seem disingenuous it is hard to come back from that.
Take the mindset of being interested in the other person, what they have to say, what problem needs to be solved. You can call this curiosity.
That is the mindset that will make you a better conversationalist, better negotiator, and better real estate investor.
Lesson 3: Pitch perfect
What do you say when people ask, “what do you do?” Is your elevator pitch ready?
Have you practiced it and have the ability to deliver it eloquently without hesitation and full of confidence? Most people could not say yes to that last statement.
In this business you are going to run into a lot of people and need to develop a charismatic pitch that will make them remember you, like you, and want to do business with you.
Stumbling on your words and acting unsure of yourself will literally repel possible buyers, sellers, and other investors.
Pitches come in many forms. Buying a property? You are going to pitch them a price. Selling a property? You are going to pitch them as to why they should buy it. Raising money? You guessed it a pitch for why I should trust you with my money.
Each pitch is also going to be different based on the audience. Bit of a difference if you are selling to a first time buyer with kids vs. a seasoned investor with spreadsheets!
Not only does it matter WHAT you say it truly matters HOW you say it. Crafting the pitch itself will come on another post but here is how to add charisma to it.
First be warm. Try imagining good will towards the person you are speaking with. No malice, no end game, no outcome, just good will towards them as a fellow human being. That is warmth. Smile. A warm smile of course.
Next, enunciate your words while speaking loudly (shows confidence) and clearly. Articulate what you are saying (shows intelligence). Use pauses and speak neither too fast nor too slow.
But how do I figure that out, you ask?
Practice!
Pitch to your friends, neighbors, parents, kids, just people you trust in general to give you accurate feedback.
Let them be brutally honest then smile and thank them warmly, with great eye contact.
There we go, the top, most quickly applied lessons from the book The Charisma Myth! This is definitely one of my all time favorite reads on psychology and has a lot more than I can ever do justice in a single post.
Remember this isn’t a summary just my thoughts on how we can apply the lessons from this awesome book to our REI careers.
I didn’t even begin to scratch the surface as the author goes into the TYPES of charisma, how to develop them, when to use them, and much more.
Pick up a copy today!
Thanks for joining me on this journey and feel free to send me an email to connect. I hope you enjoyed this post, stay tuned for more to come!
The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism
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