What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People
The answer is… BODY LANGUAGE.
Trick question, but it is true because body language is universal, deeply ingrained within each of us.
I like to think of it as a radio signal that is always on, always broadcasting. Sometimes the signal comes in loud and clear, other times just a faint whisper.
It is always on and the people who know how to tune in can lead the dance.
You may never be in a situation where reading another person is a matter of life or death (at least I hope not!). However, if you want to learn nonverbal intelligence, there is no one better than the author, Joe Navarro, former FBI counterintelligence officer and world renowned nonverbal behavior expert.
Something that I truly appreciated about this book is that it isn’t trying to sell you on magical cues or pretend that it can make you into a psychic. The author shows how he finely honed his body language reading skills in the field with the FBI, yet even he isn’t a mind reader.
Human beings are too complex for that to happen.
Lesson 1: Communication is what creates understanding
So why does it matter at all?
It matters because there is no situation, personal or professional, where better understanding a person does not help you.
Nonverbal communication helps reveal someone’s true feelings, thoughts, and intentions. Doesn’t that sound valuable when real estate is a people business? IQ is great for running numbers on a spreadsheet but if you can’t translate that into well received human interactions; your business won’t reaching its full potential.
If you can’t understand people you can’t understand how to help them.
This book goes into the specifics and I could never do it justice on a single post. I couldn’t even break down one component of the body for real analysis in today’s post, but in the most general sense it comes down to comfort vs. discomfort.
Lesson 2: The situation is everything
You must learn to become a competent observer of the people around you and the environment in order to pick up the signals of comfort or discomfort. That being said, all observations must be taken with a grain of salt because context is king.
- Crossed arms showing discomfort? Is she attempting to distance herself from me? Or is she just cold?
- He is looking me in the eye and not breaking contact so he must be telling the truth, right? Actually intense eye contact could be the opposite, purposefully staring in an attempt to trick you into believing his lie.
Signals showing comfort like close proximity, smiling, and openness are great for creating rapport and connecting with people. If your client is showing these to you then you are on the right track.
On the other hand ,beneath our words and appearance is the deep psychological need to relieve stress when we are uncomfortable. If you are speaking with someone who looks like they are trying to create distance, constantly rubbing their hands in a soothing motion, or shifting away then you are seeing pacifying behaviors and need to reassess the situation.
Try to get them to relax then reengage.
Lesson 3: Talking with body language
While the main point of the book is to teach you how to read what is going on inside a person, it is just as important as using our own body language to get the best possible message across.
Human beings subconsciously read each other’s nonverbal signs because these things are integrated to our own survival and learned over generations of human evolution. Yes, this is universal and it will come in handy when the time is right to expand your real estate empire overseas!
Let’s get practical. What is the number one thing people love in others they are doing business with? Confidence!
So here is your short cut primer for the next time you talk to another investor, a potential prospect, or someone on your team:
- When approaching someone for the first time keep your hands visible and arms relaxed
- Get the handshake correct. It is the first and sometimes only physical contact you have with people. Keep it firm, single hand only (no politician double hand), and on the shorter side with timing. Leave hand holding to loved ones
- Confident posture, chin up, nose high
- Eye gazing. Be careful with this one because if it is too intense then it is uncomfortable. If eye contact is not there at all it can seem like we are uninterested. There is a balance and it helps to eye gaze non-threateningly and pair it with…
- Smiling! Show teeth, slight tilt of the head = comfortable, friendly, interested
- If you fold your hands together keep the thumbs high (think thumbs up)
“A high-confidence display reflects a high degree of brain comfort and self-assurance” – Joe Navarro
It is important to know the things to look out for in others and also to portray the right ones ourselves.
- Steepled fingers in a meeting (possibly the most powerful high-confidence tell)
- More confident posture
- Active listening and observations over checking your iPhone yet again
- I even have a new go to stance (former military so hands were NEVER in the pocket… but if you feel like power posing with your thumbs out of the pocket it signals high status)
This book is a page turner because it felt like I was learning to see the Matrix. It is amazing the things you pick up once you actually take the time to notice, practice, and apply the knowledge.
Pick up the book today. It is absolutely fascinating with real life stories of how Joe used his talents in the field.
Every day in the real estate business you deal with people of all different professions, backgrounds, and motivations. Do yourself a favor and learn how to read them!
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People
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